He's Not Jesus

I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but Ron Paul is going to save the world from itself. No, it’s true. He’s going to collect all the nuclear weapons in a big fishing net, fly 93.4 million miles into space and throw them all into the sun. He is! Don’t give me that look. I can see you through the internets and you’re giving me either “something smells in here… someone needs a diaper change” look, or it is your basic disbelief.

Well, it would appear to be true if you listened to Ron Paul’s flock. You see, Ron Paul is this politician who is attempting another run at the White House. He’s doing covert work for the Libertarians while disguised as a Republican and he’s the Internet’s Most Popular candidate. He’s raised quite a bit of money for his campaign, or so the blindingly annoying ticker on his website says.

He’s secured $13.4 million dollars in donations.

Paul has this incredibly rabid following on the internet and it’s down right disturbing. These people are vocal in their support to the point of fanaticism. You can post an anti-Ron Paul entry into your blog and it will act like chum in the internet seas. After a short while, the internet killing machines will swim up to your blog and thrash wildly against it. It’s pretty interesting. You should try it sometime.

I envision these folks, huddle up to their PC’s, with the Ron Paul website up, repeating a mantra and watching the campaign donation numbers soar over and over again. When I say Paul is being played up like he was the messiah, I’m not joking. There are countless blog comment posts that say these words (or similar): “Ron Paul is America’s last hope. I really think that.” That sentiment is expressed in various different ways on the web.

And don’t try to question Paul’s politics. It’s heresy. A Ron Paul worshiper sticks pretty close to the Church of Ron Paul’s dogma. It could cost you your internet soul.

So let’s get down to Ron Paul’s politics – he’s against big government and he’s for allowing the private sector to fill in what the government will leave behind under him. He backs the Constitution. He wants certain issues to be left up to the state, as opposed to the federal government.

Some highlights –

He’s against regulating the internet.

He wants to pull the U.S. military out of Iraq and everywhere else (including Germany) today.

He wants to disband the IRS – that’s right, he wants to get rid of the IRS.

He wants to eliminate the Department of Education.

You could also drink the Kool-Aid after reading that, right? No IRS? Wow!

So let me have a crack at the Ron Paul politics – he sucks. He wants to disband any government office that does not have a role in the Constitution. That’s pretty fanatical as far as I’m concerned. It’s similar to a Conservative Christian who only does what the Bible says. Is it a good idea to dictate your current condition based on a document written hundreds of years ago?

I’ll expand this a little further – if you’re a NASA employee or contractor, Ron Paul threatens your livelihood. NASA has no “Constitutional role” because NASA didn’t exist in the time of Thomas Jefferson. Ron Paul would eliminate the agency toot-sweet if he was given the power. He believes that the private sector is better equipped to explore space. It’s a damn shame that private space agencies don’t care about science. They care about putting the rich into orbit for thrills.

Science doesn’t make money. It’s not about the bottom line… thankfully.

Paul makes a lot of “it sounds good” claims but has yet to show a plan to make them all work. Trimming government is a great idea, but hacking at it with a massive legislative cleaver is dangerous – where do all the people on the government payroll go when their office no long exists?

It’s foolish to think that the private sector will quickly hire them.

And let’s be real here, the private sector isn’t all that great. It doesn’t work as well as you’d think and if there’s any lesson to be learned over the years, the private sector is not good for one’s well being. There’s a reason why we don’t live as long as the average European. There’s a reason why our quality of life is well below the EU’s. It is because of our need to be productive first and healthy second. That’s all due to the private sector’s influence on life.


Ron Paul will enhance that… and we’ll all probably die as a result. Well, that’s probably an unfair claim, but I’m going to make it anyway. Do we really need MORE capitalism? Shouldn’t we temper our incredible productivity with some… social programs? Such as socialized medicine? Perhaps a 35 hour work week? What about more holidays? Government sponsored nanny and home keeper programs for new parents? Anything?

I won’t get into the fact that David Duke and many white supremacist groups back Ron Paul (I don’t think Paul is a racist, but I think his ideals empower them).

So, Ron Paul has some good ideas, but the rest of them are ridiculous and silly. I can’t fault him for having imagination. He’s the Willy Wonka of Washington. I will fault him for not balancing his views with reality.

Ron Paul Blows 2008 - $13.4 million thrown into the crapper. But countless bloggers inspired.

The Single Most Important YouTube Clip of the Week

Guitar Lesson Two: Done.

It’s freezing outside – 37 degrees according to my car at 6:30AM.

Guitar lesson two was completed on Monday and it was a good time. I’m showing some progress with the chords I’ve learned. We played a shuffle together and I’m grasping the concept of the blues rhythm as it manifests (or is supposed to) on the guitar. The 12-bar blues is pretty basic, at least that’s what I’m coming to understand at this point. Essentially, it is a three chord song as played thought 8th beats.

Sounds really simple, doesn’t it? Three chords… 8th….

For me, it seems nearly impossible. The good news is, as I’ve learned more about the guitar, the 12-bar shuffle seems within reach. The next light in the tunnel is approaching.

Homework was liberally assigned this week – terminology, shuffle play, chord memorization, and chord transitions. Vince is challenging me as a student, so I’m eager to see where I go.

The new change to my practice schema is that I am bringing my guitar to work now. I will play at lunch and on breaks. Then I will go home and play more.

My buddy, Mike, sent me the best cartoon I’ve seen in my life and it captures my passion perfectly… right down to the type of guitar:




Hell yeah.

Guitar Lesson One: In the Books

Yesterday was a particularly long day. You see, I woke up around 4:45 in the AM to head to the gym. I haven’t seen the inside of a gym in months and you can tell. My gym, the Glendale 24 Hour Super Sport (because I’m a super sportsman) didn’t quite seem like I though it would. It was January and normally the gym is packed with Resolutioneers, looking to undue the months of November and December. But the gym seemed subdued.

I managed to crank out thirty minutes on the elliptical (156 average heart rate), which was my goal given the fact I haven’t worked out in months (due to a bad knee and a worse job). I didn’t feel that fatigued by the end of the run and my knees were no worse for wear. And I can report that my knees feel just fine a day later – despite it being cold out. I’m only mildly sore.

From the gym, I made it into work early enough to get a decent spot in the lab’s premiere lot for those of us who don’t park on-site. My work day was long – about 11 hours. My guitar lessons were in Glendale, which is on the way back home. I didn’t feel the need to drive home then drive back into town for the instruction, so I stayed at work. I won’t be doing that again as it wore me the hell out.

My instructor, Vince, is an accomplished musician and blues guitarist. He knows how to play the mandolin and the blues harp (harmonica). He also owns a Stratocaster from the early 60’s and an incredible Bassman amp and reverb. He’s got some incredible tools and the skills to play them, as I saw for myself.

Instruction began simply enough, with a blues primer. He explained the 12-bar blues. Who plays them and why they are played. He broke a basic12-bar blues song and played a bit. After that, he showed me the chords and I played them as best I could. The results were okay, but good according to Vince.

I think I sounded like a parrot being put into a rusty meat grinder, but there were times I did sound like he did.

I was able to play a relatively difficult chord (a form of A) that he was impressed with. He said that most guitarists are not able to play that chord with one finger because they don’t have the finger strength or shape. I was able to play it well a few times, without a muted note.

Vince also noted how well I was able to adopt the blues rhythm, apparently that’s a challenge for people learning.

Vince is very patient and accessible – he encouraged me to call him whenever I run into a problem or had a question. He gave me homework, which I’ll be working on religiously in the coming days. And… the lessons have been rescheduled to 5PM.

Now I’m committed to one hour a day… let’s see where I end up.

Update:

So I spent about an hour and a half practicing. I may be a little hard on myself, but I didn't see a great deal of improvement. What I did like was the fact that my strumming has improved quite a bit. I also sense accuracy has seen an increase as well.

What I practiced - A7, D7, and E7 chords. I have A7 and D7 put to memory. E7 I will have tomorrow. Played along with Jimmy Reed... I have the blues rhythm down like tree roots. Progress.

Also... my fingers look like I touched a frying pan fresh from the burner. There's some pain as well... make typing tough. But it's a good kinda hurt.

I've Seen The Amy Fisher Sex Tape

Listen, if you're:

A. Younger than 21 years of age.
B. Squeamish.
C. Digesting a meal.
D. Have a heart condition.
E. My parents.

...you may wish to skip this entry because it may:

A. Ruin you for life.
B. Cause you to pass out.
C. Cause you to throw up.
D. Kill you.
E. Inspire extreme disappointment in your heart for me.

The film opens in a single shot scene of the Long Island Lolita, who, thanks to age resembles more like the Long In The Tooth Lolita or Long Island Larry, if you consider the accent, nude in a tub. The tub appears to be of quality design and the wonderful window choice for the bathroom. It really brings natural light into the room. And yes, I'm trying to describe anything else of than Amy Fisher and that bizarre husband of hers.

Since you really can't avoid them, I'll get to it - Amy Fisher looks like she hasn't been in the sun for most of her adult life. A light shade of pale, meanwhile that husband of hers must live in a tanning bed. Fisher has a pretty decent body for a woman in her 40's (I'm guessing). She does sport two artificial boobs though.

So anyway, as you can imagine, there's sex and it is scary. It's as scary as the dialog... and let's just say, the script isn't going to be appearing on Masterpiece Theatre anytime... ever. But it is the dialog, the sharing of loving communication that makes this film a classic.

The husband sounds like your grandfather. So imagine your grandfather, without any emotion, telling your grandmother to touch herself, but in a Long Island accent. "Touch your c*it... rub it." That's hot.

Criminals.


The acting is great - I particularly enjoy the improvisation work that went on in the shower/tub scene. Amy is pleasuring her husband and he's about to complete the deed when she beckons:

"Come."

And he replies, "On your face?"

And in a brilliant example of improvisational acting, she says, "No, on my tits," artistically proving that it truly isn't a man's world. This film has a message, my friends.

She does complete this incredibly moving scene with a line that will live on in film history, "I love to taste my daddy's c*m." I think this speaks to the intrinsic need for all women to need a father in the their lives.

In the final scene, we're taken to the bed chambers belonging to Fisher and husband for a final dramatic recreation of Hamlet, I think. Or was it gruesome looking intercourse? Oh yes, it was intercourse. I think her husband's lesser parts was called Hamlet? Maybe I had finally slipped into a pornographic coma at this point and had been searching the internet for a therapist. Whatever the case, they do it... AGAIN.

It starts out, like most professional relationships, with oral. Someone's using Viagra. Then when that whole train wreck is done, he picks her up, like it was their wedding day again, and crosses the threshold of Hell and plants her on the bed. Then the real crime happens...

"Does... that... feel... good? Danger... Will.... Robinson..."

Thankfully, actual procreation is averted in the entire film.

Overall, I found that the film had a lot to say to the audience, in the same vein as Citizen Kane. With cinematography, I have to say that the idea of a single shot scene is ingenious. It would be like being there with your eyelids superglue'd open and your head fused forward. I call it "The Prisoner of War" shot.

Is it worth the price of admission? I think that depends on how much someone is paying you to see it.

Ron Paul 2008!

I Kill Dead People

Zombies are a lot fun, they truly are. Yes, they want to eat the living. Yes, they are mindless to the point to where turning a door knob to open a door is a challenge. And yes, they usually follow each other around and don’t observe any kind of independence. And yes, they have been contributing money, web space, and their potential vote to Ron Paul. But they are so much fun to take a chainsaw to. Really. Fire up the gas powered felling machine and apply it generously to the walking carcasses that malinger about.

My socio-political commentary isn’t really focused on politics and society, but on a videogame. It’s called Dead Rising and I enjoy it a lot. And you gaming geeks, don’t give me any noise about the game being “so old;” I just got my Xbox360 from my folks as a Christmas gift. A wonderful Christmas gift.

So the premise of this game is basic – zombies are at it again. Something has turned the majority of the population into the walking dead and they are very hungry. They are not vegans either. They want to eat people, for the most part, and of course you play a “people” in the game. You’re a photojournalist with very little concern about law or safety, as you are dropped onto the roof of a massive, yet overrun mall in “anywhere” U.S.A.



You progress through the story – let me explain that most games these days no longer use “lives.” You know what I mean? You get three lives to start a videogame, with the opportunity to earn more depending on performance. Current games don’t give you lives. You usually are given one. And the goal is no longer to post a high score, but to progress through the game’s plot.

Can a videogame have a story? Yes. Stories that rival 90% of Hollywood’s yearly output. As a writer, I know stories… both good and bad.

Getting back to Dead Rising, the story unfolds as you manage to stay alive. I think I am about half way through the tale and my guess is that the story will reveal why and how people have turned into the undead. There are some very interesting characters and unbelievably scary and evil people in the game that you have to deal with who are very much alive.



There are few reasons why this game is a lot of fun – first, the atmosphere is amusing. Imagine a mall, invested with hundreds if not thousands of zombies. The moaning and shuffling around. It sounds creepy right? What is funny is the game doesn’t insert creepy music most of the time, all you hear over the zombie-chatter, is…muzak. Mall music. I found that hilarious. Oh sure, there’s a lot of deadly things wandering about, but let’s listen to the best of Michael McDonald as performed by Zamfir.

You have the various characters you run into that are surviving the invasion as well as the evil bastards thriving in it. The evil ones really make you dislike them.

And of course, you have the wanton violence – you have to be able to dispose of a zombie army somehow and the game developers give the player the freedom to use just about anything to do. You can pick up a bench and smash it into a shuffling ghoul. You can pick up a potted plant and crash it into the head of a zombie. Dishes. A frying pan. Patio furniture. Stuff animals. Soccer balls. Lead pipe. Coat hanger. Stratocaster guitars. Plywood sheets. Shopping carts. Ketchup bottles. Cooking oil. You see it, chances are, you can use it.

Of course, you have the more traditional weapons – baseball bat, chainsaw, handgun, shotgun, katana blade, 2 x 4… lawnmower. All of them bloody and insane. Basically, fun for adults and a great way to blow off some steam.



The last couple of nights, I’ve been spinning this game in the 360, smashing zombie skull while Lupe sits next to me on the sofa. Our cat, quietly napping, while Lupe reads a book detailing the diary of Marie Antoinette. I’m splattering virtual blood all over the place, the cat sleeping, and Lupe being smart. Interesting run of the intellectual spectrum there.

“Fantastic!”